By Melanie Baker Trimarco
Then he said to him, “Get up and go on your way;
your faith has made you well.”.~Luke 17:19
1827 days | 261 weeks | 60 months
On this very day five years ago, my husband Mark went to be with the Lord after a lengthy illness. I was unapologetically angry that this kind man had to endure so much. He simply could not catch a break. It always seemed like it was one thing after another – one setback after another. He never complained.
There were times I would fall on my knees with my head on his lap as he sat in his chair. I sobbed for the loss of our life, which we were supposed to build together. He stroked my hair and lovingly rubbed my back with his contorted fingers. His words for me were always, “it will be okay; everything will be okay.” I wondered why him- why us? I am human, and it is okay that I felt those moments of weakness and questioned God.
Marriage is a covenant and commitment that God initiates, and my duty was to love in sickness and health. So how were we able to accomplish this?
My faith is what allowed me to hang on.
The Full Circle of Faith
Sure, my belief in God was shaken to the core, and there were years when it was hard for me to be a child of God. There were times of doubt, confusion, and anger that WE had to endure this reality. Sometimes Mark would say, “what did I do to deserve this” or “God must hate me.” I would reassure him that this was not a punishment from God. He would respond with, “I don’t know what I did to make Him mad.” Again, I delved deep into my faith reservoir and tried my hardest to assure him that he did not do anything.
Sometimes, I thought my own human mistakes were the cause of what was happening to us. But, deep within, I always knew that my God is not a punishing God and that I had been forgiven of those human mistakes.
I was Mark’s wife for 5483 days, 1 hour, 36 minutes, and he taught me so much during our journey. Mark was brave; he taught me to be brave even when I didn’t think I had the capacity for bravery. He was kind; he taught me that kindness is a joyful and simple way to live. Finally, Mark taught me the importance of slowing down and enjoying just being.
I take comfort knowing my faith is what allows me to Live in Peace while Mark Rests in Peace.
Jesus, let me always remain thankful for your many blessings. I am grateful for the foundation of faith that saves me from continued grief and allows me to carry on.
Call to Action
Spend prayerful meditation on today’s Gospel. Reflect on the ways in which your faith saved you.
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