By Lynne Keating
“for a perishable body weighs down the soul,
and this earthy tent burdens the thoughtful mind.”
Wisdom 9:15
Emblazoned
Today’s Gospel makes people squirm: Anyone who doesn’t renounce all possessions and even the people they love – cannot be a disciple?
Really, is that even possible?
I’m a slow learner. So here’s how God answered me.
I once had a dream – one of those extremely rare dreams that emblazons itself on your mind and heart, perhaps on your very soul. You never forget it; every detail remains crisp and clear even over the span of many years. (After I wrote this, I wondered why I chose the word “emblazoned,” so I looked it up.) The Oxford dictionary explains that an emblazoned thing becomes “a heraldic device.” So, yes, I guess that’s what this dream became – a heraldic device.
The Dream
I had just finished walking across a somewhat muddy field. When I looked back, I realized it was a minefield. In the dream, I felt my knees weaken with fear, and my whole body shook, looking back over what might have been. That was it – nothing more. I woke up with the dream still very real in my mind, and for a moment, I wondered if it really happened. Was it a memory? No. No, it was just a dream. I shook it off and went about my life. But I never forgot it.
Years later, our Bible group had a few interesting discussions: on the fall of Lucifer – he just didn’t have enough of the power he wanted; the fall of Adam and Eve – they just didn’t have enough of the big picture they wanted; the Apostles, arguing over which of them was the greatest and who should have the first place – they just didn’t have enough of the prestige they wanted.
Pondering these things, I worried about my inability to entrust everything in my life to God. I had responsibilities – family, finances, health, civic duty, and – oh my gosh – prayer time! I never had enough peace in those areas to safely (and proudly) place them in God’s hands. I had spent my life acquiring more money, more houses, bigger houses, more cars, more food, and more furniture. My whole life was one big “not enough.” Then the dream came to mind.
“What is it, Lord? What am I missing here?”
Enough
Waiting in silent thought, one of the saddest voices I ever heard floated across my mind, “I was not enough for them – my apostles. I was not enough for Adam and Eve. I was not enough for Lucifer. So the question is, daughter, will I be enough for you?” I cried when I heard His question. I cry every time I remember it.
The old dream showed me that though I walked across a minefield, oblivious to the destruction that could have overtaken me at any second, God was enough to get me through. Nothing I could acquire on my own – possessions, prestige, or people – could have saved me. God alone was enough.
“Yes, Lord. You are enough for me.”
Prayer
Lord, help me to lean on you and to make of my meager offerings a tribute to my trust in You.
Call to Action
Are there areas in your life where you can begin to embrace and celebrate poverty – a poverty of Spirit or of understanding or of possessions? Why not start today?
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WOW. indeed.
It makes a sort of mincemeat of the popular wisdom that is no wisdom at all. The “yes I am enough” ideas of the mod psychology that says each of us is sufficient unto our selves. We are not. Individual exceptionalism is a fake God. Thank you for reminding us. God alone is enough, St Teresa of Avila said. She, and you, are correct! Let nothing frighten us, He knows where we are going and walks with us.
Thanks for your comments, Carol. One of the great blessings we have as we get older is looking back over our lives and seeing very clearly all the ways in
which the Lord has seen us through difficult times and trials ~ even times when hardship loomed all around us, and we never even realized it!
Wow! I’ve always heard “God alone is enough” but never actually thought about it from God’s view,” Am I Not enough?” Thank you for helping me to see this, and yes, it makes me want to cry too.
Thank you, Celeste. One of my favorite books is “Consoling the Heart of Jesus” by Fr. Michael Gaitely. It taught me that trusting in God is a source of peace and comfort to Him. But I have to admit, that kind of absolute trust is still an every-day decision for me – easier said than done!
She really put everything in perspective. Wow!!!
Thanks, Jay. It’s kind of amazing when get a glimpse of God’s all-encompassing providence. Sunday’s psalm really sums it up: “In every age, O Lord, You have been our refuge!”