By Sharon Agnes Wilson
Give me back the joy of your salvation,
and a willing spirit sustain in me. ~ Psalm 51:12
I have always wanted to be a mother. As a child, I played house and had baby dolls that ate, wet, and even grew hair. We struggled for a few years after we were married to conceive, but then we got the good news—we were going to be parents! I read every page in What to Expect When You Are Expecting three times! We prepared the nursery and packed a bag for the hospital. The weeks before my due date, I was on bed rest and had a lot of time to think. I always knew I wanted to be a mother, but now it was actually happening, and I wanted out!
Even though I knew I was made for motherhood, the whole giving birth thing freaked me out! My irrational brain wanted to back out. I was afraid of labor pains; I was scared of taking care of an infant, and I was daunted by the fact that mothering is forever. Thankfully, we made it through all of those things, and just last week, my beautiful daughter turned 28 years old.
In today’s Gospel Jesus says:
“Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’?” ~ John 12:27a
How often do we, even when we know we are following our path or are doing what we are called to do, have second thoughts? It might be fear, doubt, or temptation that brings us to those thoughts.
My husband has been ill for the last year and a half. It has been a difficult struggle for him and, in a very different way, for me too. Managing being his caregiver and the ups and downs of his health have caused me to face the reality of my life’s purpose right now. There are many days that I cry out to God, “How do I do this? Take this away!”
Thirty-seven years ago, we promised to be true and faithful to each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, and to love and honor each other all the days of our lives. My purpose as a mother, my purpose as a wife, and my purpose as a child of God is a constant dying to self and rebirth into whatever is next.
Jesus asks this question, not because he doesn’t know the answer or doesn’t know how to face these adversaries, but he asks so that we, here and now, can hear His words and learn how to respond.
“No, for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father, glorify thy name.”
Then a voice came from heaven, “I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.”~ John 12:27b-28
Following your purpose is not promised to be easy; in fact, to follow your purpose is hard. To follow your purpose is to die to yourself every day. In my times when the path ahead is daunting, that is when I MUST rely on God to lead me.
Lord, prepare me in these days and weeks for your life, death, and resurrection. Let me see my own purpose and rebirth through your example.
Call to Action
Pray the Stations of the Cross—one station per day—for the next 14 days. Reflect on Christ’s life and your own while allowing His journey to the Cross to bring you ever closer to him.
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