By Jeannie Ewing
He has made all things beautiful in His time. ~ Ecclesiastes 3:11
I Wish God Would Give Us A Break Or A Breakthrough
“I wish I had easy answers for our family,” Ben told me one evening. He hung his head, sighed deeply, and rubbed his brows like he always does when he’s feeling heavy-hearted.
“I don’t expect easy,” I replied through a fog of snot and tears. “I just wish God would give us what he seems to give so many other people: a break, a breakthrough, clarity, a miracle.”
We’d been discussing the myriad struggles we’d weathered the past ten years, one after another with very little reprieve: infertility, two miscarriages, raising a daughter with a complicated rare disease, having two boys fourteen months apart, and – at that point – my chronic pelvic pain.
Facing A Crossroad
We were facing a crossroads.
In some ways, I’d felt more God’s absence than His presence for quite some time. Most days, my wearied prayers were more like aspirations in between feeding baby Auggie or managing one of Sarah’s fifteen medical specialist’s requests. “Help me, God. Please, please help me.”
Lately, I reinstated an old favorite: “Have mercy on me, Jesus.”
I realized that tension often peaks in our lives right before we find ourselves facing a major life change or decision. And we don’t always know where to go. In fact, we seldom do.
But facing a crossroad involves living in the midst of the questions, the mystery, rather than finding absolutes. Absolutes give us comfort but little room to grow. Questions allow us to explore who God is, what He is asking of us moment to moment, and how to fully surrender so that we can fully live.
Prayer
Heavenly Father, I am both fearful and hopeful for what lies ahead in my life this year. I know that You are with me in the uncertainty, the chaos, the struggles, and also in my celebrations and milestones. Help me. Have mercy on me.
Call to Action
What crossroad are you facing in your life right now and how can you live more fully in the questions rather than seeking the answers?
Thank you, Jeannie, beautiful post!
I’m happy to share my heart!
Wow…that was beautiful. I am at a crossroads and I love the vision you provided. Thank you very much. God bless you and your family and may He have mercy on you all.
I really appreciate your encouragement Elizabeth! God’s blessings to you in your crossroads too.
Thank you so much for sharing what’s in your heart and soul. It’s comforting to know others are also feeling as you do. You are in my prayers.
Hi Katie yes, one aspect of what I do is that I never want anyone to feel alone in their journey. I’m glad you found comfort in my words and experience.
I’ve been pondering your question for a week now, I think my crossroads is linked to attachment, and a real difficulty embracing a spirit of detachment. Thank You, for sharing your wisdom with WINE!