By Jeannie Ewing
He has made all things beautiful in His time. ~ Ecclesiastes 3:11
I Wish God Would Give Us A Break Or A Breakthrough
“I wish I had easy answers for our family,” Ben told me one evening. He hung his head, sighed deeply, and rubbed his brows like he always does when he’s feeling heavy-hearted.
“I don’t expect easy,” I replied through a fog of snot and tears. “I just wish God would give us what he seems to give so many other people: a break, a breakthrough, clarity, a miracle.”
We’d been discussing the myriad struggles we’d weathered the past ten years, one after another with very little reprieve: infertility, two miscarriages, raising a daughter with a complicated rare disease, having two boys fourteen months apart, and – at that point – my chronic pelvic pain.
Facing A Crossroad
We were facing a crossroads.
In some ways, I’d felt more God’s absence than His presence for quite some time. Most days, my wearied prayers were more like aspirations in between feeding baby Auggie or managing one of Sarah’s fifteen medical specialist’s requests. “Help me, God. Please, please help me.”
Lately, I reinstated an old favorite: “Have mercy on me, Jesus.”
I realized that tension often peaks in our lives right before we find ourselves facing a major life change or decision. And we don’t always know where to go. In fact, we seldom do.
But facing a crossroad involves living in the midst of the questions, the mystery, rather than finding absolutes. Absolutes give us comfort but little room to grow. Questions allow us to explore who God is, what He is asking of us moment to moment, and how to fully surrender so that we can fully live.
Heavenly Father, I am both fearful and hopeful for what lies ahead in my life this year. I know that You are with me in the uncertainty, the chaos, the struggles, and also in my celebrations and milestones. Help me. Have mercy on me.
Call to Action
What crossroad are you facing in your life right now and how can you live more fully in the questions rather than seeking the answers?