By Alyssa Bormes

 

Oh – I have nothing to say – there are just disjointed thoughts spilling forth.

It is my father’s birthday today – and I remember his hugs – and they were so strong and loving. I miss you these 29 years since you died – do you hear me when I talk to you – do you still wipe my tears?

Today when I rose, I placed my trust in You, Jesus. I will serve You; what will You have me do?

When my doors and windows are open on a cool day – I love the sound of the birds and the wind in the trees.

My city has been on fire – man’s inhumanity to man has broken my heart – and nothing makes sense.

Today when I rose, I placed my trust in You, Jesus. I will serve You; what will You have me do?

Confession after confession – sin still visits me – my heart breaks at my weakness – in a way, it breaks again when You forgive me – Your grace is too much for me, but thank You, thank You for offering it to me.

What? Another boot cast? How is it that I can break my heel while attempting to write a thank you note? No wonder writing them is a lost art. It has been a month in the boot cast, there are three more weeks of it at least. I’ve decided to let this be hilarious instead of tragic.

What a joy to be a confirmation sponsor for one of my students. It makes me recall my own on April 1, 1979. Bishop Paul Dudley confirmed me and later became my spiritual father as he brought me back to the Church.

Today when I rose, I placed my trust in You, Jesus. I will serve You; what will You have me do?

My Scrabble club just met. The three of us were roommates in college in the 80s. I am Catholic, one friend is Jewish, and one is Baptist. It sounds like the beginning of a joke, but our friendship is one of the most wonderful resting places.

I’ve been baking pies with spring fruits. Having my hands in the dough reminds me of my mother and grandmother, which becomes a meeting place, and I pray with them there. Like them, I find enjoyment when others savor a piece of pie. It is especially a joy to spoil my two elderly neighbor ladies.

Today when I rose, I placed my trust in You, Jesus. I will serve You; what will You have me do?

Being a lector at Mass humbles me. How has it come to me to let Your words fall from my lips?

It was so good to speak to my big brother John one night recently when I was frightened and alone.

And then there was just the other night when I spoke to my stepbrother John. (Of all 17 siblings and stepsiblings –—there is only one name repeated — John). As one part of our conversation, we spoke of aging alone. Not his—he has a beautiful wife and two girls, but my aging alone. What odd pangs came to my heart.

Today when I rose, I placed my trust in You, Jesus. I will serve You; what will You have me do?

What an odd time – my heart breaks and exults all at once. My thoughts tumble, yet dance. And my body once more is home to a cast, but the pain is an offering in laughter.

What an odd time.

I don’t know what to do.

Which is why today when I rose, I placed my trust in You, Jesus. “I will serve You; what will You have me do?”

 

About the author:

Alyssa Bormes is an educator, author, speaker, and retreat leader. She currently teaches at the Chesterton Academy in Edina, Minnesota, writes for the Catholic Spirit, and the WINE blog, is the host of a weekly show, “Christian Witnesses in the Church,” on Radio Maria US, and is the author of The Catechism of Hockey. You can find her at alyssabormes.com.