By Allison Gingras
“If you are going to trust God, then trust God.”
These wise words were spoken often by my beloved spiritual director, Deacon Jerry Ryan; who passed away in January. Deacon Jerry deftly guided my faith journey for over ten years. He always spoke direct (though lovingly) especially when it came to my battle with submitting to the Will of God.
A Lifetime of Worry
My lifelong struggle with anxiety exacerbates my ability to trust and that includes even the One who created me. My fears, rarely based on logic or fact, tend to focus on what I believe will be the inevitable horrible conclusion of any given situation. Deacon Jerry patiently talked me through many a panic attack; continually restoring my peace by drawing my attention back to the Truth.
After he had finished speaking, he said to Simon,
“Put out into deep water and lower your nets for a catch.”
Simon said in reply,
“Master, we have worked hard all night and have caught nothing,
but at your command I will lower the nets.”
When they had done this, they caught a great number of fish
and their nets were tearing. ” (Luke 5:1-11)
Peter was skeptical of the Lord’s plan, yet he obeyed. Here is where Peter and I are surprisingly alike and where I have Deacon Jerry to thank the most.
The Lord Wills Good
Over the last ten years, I had said a great many more yeses to the Lord’s plans than ever before, even when I was doubtful. I put into the deep water of the unknown where I know Jesus and his great love for me abide. Not every obedient act yielded an abundant return I may have hoped or expected, the real reward has come in the strengthening of my faith and trust in Jesus.
My obedience to Jesus’ commands has opened my heart and home to expanding our family through foreign adoption. It is the deepest water I have ever tossed a net. People with severe anxiety rarely sign themselves up to fly to China! Like Peter, my trust was rewarded with a bounty bigger than my ability to dream. Honestly, a life without my precious daughter is one I never want to imagine.
What Will You Trust God With?
Too numerous to count are the miraculous and remarkable ways the Lord has blessed my willingness to follow through on the nudges of the Holy Spirit in my life. Each time hearing Deacon Jerry’s joyful, compassionate, yet resolute voice in my head, “If you are going to trust God, kiddo, then you have no other choice but to trust God.”
Allison Gingras – ReconciledToYou.com – shares the beauty of the Catholic Faith with honesty, laughter, and relatable examples from the everyday, ordinary life! She has created the Stay Connected Journals for Catholic Women (Gracewatch.Media/Connected) which includes her first book, The Gift of Invitation: 7 Ways Jesus Invites Us into a Life of Grace. She hosts A Seeking Heart with Allison Gingras on BreadboxMedia.com Allison is a social media and book club Specialist with WINE: Women in the New Evangelization.