By Sharon Wilson
On April 5, 1993, we lost our son to Sudden Infant Death. The anniversary of his death has so many emotions attached to it. Jordan, who’s twin sister Courtney were long awaited children and born a bit premature – entered the world perfect. The shock of having a child die suddenly and out of the blue wreaked havoc on our lives, spiritually, emotionally and physically. Death is part of the cycle of life but it is out of order for a parent to lose a child.
The emotions I have felt through these 24 years on this anniversary have been varied. For many years, it was only of grief and anger. I stayed angry at God for a long time, wanting an answer for why Jordan had to die.
This last year, through the Year of Mercy, I made it a point to focus on forgiveness. I prayed daily a forgiveness prayer and recalled people in my life who, for whatever reason, had left me hurt. I prayed to forgive them and I prayed for them. Sometimes there is no one to be angry at but God when bad things happen. He can take it and give only love in return.
It didn’t happen all at once, but in the truth of daily forgiving, I soon realized something. When I was chained to the anger of the bad things in my life, like Jordan’s death, I was never really free. I may never know why bad things happen. It is a paradox but living in the paradox is what we are called to do.
In today’s Gospel it says:
“If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples,
and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
For me, the freedom came from the truth that I need to just be a disciple and not know the why. The truth comes by being a disciple and being a disciple means imitating Christ and trusting in Him.
We are in our last days of countdown before Holy Week. Is there anyone you need to forgive? Even God?
Enter Holy Week with a clean heart and seek out confession, ask forgiveness and forgive in return.
About the Author:
Sharon Wilson – Wife, Mother, Writer, Catholic Speaker, and a WINE Specialist. Sharon has a degree in education and has worked as a freelance writer, Respect Life Coordinator, a teacher, in advertising, radio, buyer and in youth advocacy – She even rode an elephant in the circus once! Sharon speaks, writes and shares about God’s healing and about the great gift of being Catholic.
Thank you, Sharon! A girlfriend of mine recently lost her grown son by drowning (this past November). His wife will be having their third baby in May. I can’t begin to ever imagine the loss of a child, but your article was so inspiring. I wish my friend was Catholic. She may be able to get over this sadness easier if she could see things the way we do, but I keep praying for her. God Bless you and a blessed Easter season to you and your family!
Thank you Jane for sharing. Prayers for your friend and she is very lucky to have a friend like you praying for her.
Dear Sharon, so very sorry for your loss! God is with you and so glad you are with Mary Mother too! lots of grace and healing for you- God is good all the time. Grateful to be a Catholic and love Jesus – Jesus I Trust In You.
Mary, thank you for your support. I do not think it is an accident that I have landed at Mary , Mother! The Blessed Mother has been helping me all along!
Sharon, I related so much to your journey of the loss of your child. 38 years ago, after 7 days of life, my 1st child died of a heart defect that was incompatible with life. What followed was a year of tremendous sorrow and anger at God for “doing this to me”. I was a good girl, I followed the rules, why O why did you allow this pain to happen to me. I was trapped in a lonely, dark pit of sorrow and anger. It wasn’t until I surrendered and cried out asking the Lord to pull me up out of the pit, that I was able to begin the journey of healing. It was so much easier with Him at my side, than when I held Him off in the distance. Little did I know, He was preparing me for more sorrow,
1 1/2 years later, when after 9 mos of pregnancy, I gave birth to a still born son. Sorrow, yes, but this time, I let God hold me, and clung to Him and His plan for my life. Through His love and the unconditional love of my beautiful husband, God later blessed us with 5 healthy children. God is Good!! His plans are for Good!!
This year we will welcome grandchild # 9 and grandchild # 10! We are So Blessed!!
Thank you Kim for sharing YOUR story. Congrats on grandchild #9 and #10 and all of your beautiful family!
We lost our beloved 5 year old daugthter, Nancy Jean, from a brain tumor 55 years ago. To this day I miss her and can’t help think “what might have been”. She would be 60 years old if she had lived. At the time she was in critical condition, I stopped into my church to pray and light a candle on the way home from the hospital. I prayed, of course, for her healing, but at the same time I realized she was a gift from God, and so I had a conversation with Jesus and told him that if He really wanted her, she was His — but I still held on to hope she would be OK. She did go to Jesus in July of 1950 and she has been our angel watching over us ever since. I know she has been safe in the arms of Jesus and the Blessed Mother Mary and I sincerely hope the other mothers who have suffered the same loss as we did, have found the same comfort as I did. Our angel, Nancy, has four brothers and two sisters, plus mom and dad, here on earth to watch over and she is doing a great job. This brings a great comfort. God Bless you , Sharon, and the other WINE contributors. It has been a blessing to receiver the wonderful daily Lenten messages from them.