In New Wine Wednesday
By Alyssa Bormes

Untitled by Jenn Richardson via Unsplash.

By Alyssa Bormes 

This spring a few things are looming: a possible surgery, my mother’s house being sold, and the completion of a renovation project. It’s a lot to happen in two or three months, but it got me thinking about time.

Probably most people having read this far, already thought, “Whoa, it’s coming so soon!” But if I were to tell my teenaged students, they might say, “Ack, it’s in three months, you have plenty of time!” And if I were to tell first graders that all these things were to come to pass in three months, I might as well tell them it was three minutes or three hundred years, or once upon a time. Time is a funny, fluid sort of thing.

Twenty-eight years ago, I thought that eight months was more than I could bear. (One month had already passed by the time I was certain.) Although the really public part of being uncomfortable might have only lasted four months based on when everyone could tell. But it might have been that after a month or two of that, I just wouldn’t care about the sideways glances. Twenty-eight years ago today, I was still pregnant.

Then at just over a year later, I was pregnant again, and again thought I couldn’t bear the months of embarrassment and heartache. My decision was the worst possible one. Both times, I chose to abort; I killed my babies.

This year my children would have been 28 and 27 years old. When I look up from my desk at work, I look at colleagues who are 23 and 25. They are both dressed in suits; one has his third baby on the way; his beautiful wife brings the other two little ones in from time to time. Just last week I had coffee with a woman who is 27; I’ve known her for years in a professional capacity, which quickly turned to friendship as well.

When I look at the three of them, I wonder where the time has gone. In 1989 I didn’t think I could survive the seemingly unending months of an unwanted pregnancy. Now nearly three decades have passed in what seems like a breath.

Time is a fluid sort of funny thing. This time of year, with the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade days away, many of my sisters in Christ and I experience an odd sort of forlorn longing warp in time. We miss our children that we never knew, and we look forward to that time when there is no time, the end of time, when, God willing, we can hold our babies in a timeless embrace.

About the Author:

 

Alyssa Bormes is an educator, author, speaker, and retreat leader. She currently teaches at the Chesterton Academy in Edina, Minnesota, writes for the Catholic Spirit, and the W.I.N.E blog, is the host of a weekly show, “Christian Witnesses in the Church,” on Radio Maria US, and is the author of The Catechism of Hockey. You can find her at alyssabormes.com

 

 

 

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Showing 23 comments
  • Molly
    Reply

    Thank you for sharing…

    • Alyssa Bormes
      Reply

      May God use this for Life!

  • Debbie Keller
    Reply

    God bless you for sharing this Alyssa.

    • Alyssa Bormes
      Reply

      Thank you Debbie.

  • Jane
    Reply

    I’m so sorry for your pain….you were hearing what the anti-life people had to say and were swept in…..at the time. I’m so sorry! God Bless you for your strength to write the article that I wish EVERY woman who was about to have an abortion could read prior to. It might save many more lives to hear about a real woman’s regret in this way. Thank you for your willingness to share your deepest thoughts with us. I admire you so much for knowing you have been forgiven and part of your healing is sharing with others how they will feel later on by the “choice” they make now.

    • Alyssa Bormes
      Reply

      Thank you Jane.

  • Sharon
    Reply

    Thank you Alyssa for speaking my heart.

    • Alyssa Bormes
      Reply

      You are right here in my heart!

  • Cindy Casey
    Reply

    Thank you for sharing your story, Alyssa. I pray that it will help someone thinking about having an abortion or someone who did have one to experience the love and compassion of Jesus during a difficult time in their life.

    • Alyssa Bormes
      Reply

      May God move their hearts to His!

  • Sarah Damm
    Reply

    Thank you for sharing this, Alyssa! It is such an important witness of the Father’s love and mercy. Sending prayers and a virtual hug your way. XO

    • Alyssa Bormes
      Reply

      Thank you Sarah!

  • Caroline
    Reply

    Love you girlfriend! I’m honored to call you friend and that my kids get to have you as a teacher. Sophia (despite her somewhat tardy turning in of papers 🙂 is in awe of your testimony and your witness to Christ mercy, love and forgiveness! Never doubt the impact you have on the students you teach, an their parents for that matter! xoxo

    • Alyssa Bormes
      Reply

      Thank you Caroline – I hope that the kids I teach really do learn from my lesson – I love them.

  • Ruth
    Reply

    Thank you for sharing! God bless you!

    • Alyssa Bormes
      Reply

      You’re welcome.

  • Kathy
    Reply

    What a beautiful testimony about the value of time, consequences, and the unfathomable grace of God. Surely your students are blessed to have such a woman of faith to model Christianity to them.

    • Alyssa Bormes
      Reply

      Thank you for your kind words. It is the unfathomable grace of God that has seen me through. Without Him, I am lost.

  • Victoria
    Reply

    By the title of your article, I was expecting a lecture about wasting time cruising Facebook and Pinterest. My heart is aching with the exact same pain. I have experienced God’s forgiveness and grace, but nothing takes away the pain and bitter regret. Knowing I will be reunited with my children in heaven is a consolation. Until then, I’ll do the best I can to be a joy to others and share His love and mercy. Thanks for your courage in sharing. You are a talented writer.

    • Alyssa Bormes
      Reply

      Victoria, Thank you for your words. You are my sister in Christ – and I will hold you in prayer – especially on the anniversary.

  • Rita Simmons
    Reply

    Our story is so important! Thank you for sharing. I am a birth mother. it is a suffering of a whole different path. May God bless!

    • Alyssa Bormes
      Reply

      Rita – thank you so much for your yes to life! Let me join you in prayer today.

  • Alyssa Bormes
    Reply

    Victoria, Thank you for your words. You are my sister in Christ – and I will hold you in prayer – especially on the anniversary.

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