By Susan Klemond
“With my whole heart I seek thee; Let me not wander from thy commandments! ” ~ Psalm 119:10
For those who journal and have been at it for a while, reading old journals brings to life forgotten events and emotions and can give us a broader view of our spiritual journey.
While re-reading old entries recently, I saw times when it didn’t seem like the Lord was listening or responding to my prayers.
We don’t know if St. Augustine, whose feast day we celebrate today, was also consulting old journals as he wrote the famous story of his conversion, The Confessions.
If we seek him, God always responds
However, the great North African bishop and Doctor of the Church who lived from 354-430 AD did experience God responding in a big way to his seeking, even though he didn’t know at the time that he was seeking God.
“You called, you shouted, and you broke through my deafness,” he wrote of his encounter with God. “You flashed, you shone, and you dispelled my blindness.”
St. Augustine wrote that God’s responses aren’t always so radical, but he answers everyone who seeks him.
His answer may not be what we’re listening for
“In every place, O Truth, you are present to those who seek your help, and at one and the same time you answer all, though they seek your counsel on different matters.”
St. Augustine wrote that God answers, but our hearing isn’t always attuned to his response.
“All ask what they wish, but do not always hear the answer they wish.”
Through the many years he sought the Lord in prayer after his conversion, St. Augustine learned to recognize God calling him in different ways, whether or not it was what he hoped to hear.
“Your best servant is he who is intent not so much on hearing his petition answered,” he wrote, “as rather on willing whatever he hears from you.”
Prayer:
Lord, give us the grace to seek you in prayer and in everything that happens in our daily life. Give us the desire to know you better so we can recognize your voice and do what you ask us to do.
Call to Action:
Re-read old journals or remember when you’ve heard the Lord respond to you and how you responded to him. Remember also moments when it felt like God didn’t answer prayers and whether the intentions were resolved eventually. Thank God for all the ways he’s revealed himself to you.
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How true…that we ask for answers but don’t always “hear” what we want. Complete surrender to hear God’s direction is very challenging, and something I am working on right now as I approach a new phase in my life!
Wonderful – I just sent the quotation – “All ask what they wish, but do not always hear the answer they wish.”- to a Monica who is praying for her own Augustine. Thank you for the reminder.
Just last weekend I found a stack of old journals and started to read them. Now, I have new motivation to read them again in a new light.